i have been away for a while. and missing it. feeling the need for practice but being distant. not a discipline crisis though. just being tuned in with my body. in hindsight, on a wrong frequency i feel.
as i mentioned previously, i have made a conscious decision over christmas not to entertain a physical practice as i have been indulging -a little bit too much – in worldly pleasures. so after new year i tried to get myself going again. not with much success unfortunately. i felt my body was not at its full capacity. my knees were very tight so i backed off a little bit and then i started having neck pain and headaches that played with my mind and i lost all of the concentration needed to do my practice. so practice suffered…. i could not stop thinking about pain and discomfort despite a reassurance from the doctor that there were no alarming signs.
i think the root to this is reading all the stuff about practitioners pushing themselves and getting injured, not listening to their bodies. i guess i was so keen not to make the same mistake that i took it a bit too far. i read too much into it. i let fear set in. i lost faith…….. and that’s major.
for the last couple of days – as my practice has fallen down to 3 days a week- i was feeling the urge to get on the mat and to feel my body and all the muscles and mind engaged. i actually felt the crave. i think i let myself be a little bit too cautious – even afraid of going with it. after all, mild discomfort could (should) be a sign of my body waking up. being alert and working with it.
i feel good today – i mean mentally. physical discomfort is still there but i believe that practice will help me get over it. i want to embrace it and run with it. i have faith.
so, to all of you who doubt, have faith.
p.s. the new mind set was partly inspired by lovely Claudia and her faith and progress from her illness. i cannot claim i was anywhere near the condition she went through but the strength of her faith was awe-inspiring! thank you Claudia.